Earning Their Wings

Imagine you awoke to find your clothes laid out for you, what you would have for breakfast had already been decided; and your whole day was planned without any input from you. Perhaps you’d feel frustrated, annoyed, maybe even a wee bit angry. Perhaps you’d feel like throwing yourself down on floor, kicking and screaming as loud as you could in protest.

Welcome to toddlerhood!

Twos are not so terrible, they are just terribly misunderstood.

A child arrives in this world a helpless, dependant creature, totally reliant on others to provide for it’s every need. Though the cord is cut at birth an infant is still attached to the mother, it does not see itself as independent from her. To a baby its mother is an extension of itself. She is their whole world.

Throughout the first year of life an infant masters many new skills. They learn to roll over, sit up, crawl, cruise, walk… As they become more mobile their world expands. They begin to see that there is life beyond the tiny family circle that surrounded them. They begin to view themselves as individual and separate from their mother.

With this realization they begin to develop a need for autonomy. They begin to feel a need to assert themselves as individuals. Parents often don’t recognize this need, or are reluctant to accept their toddler’s need for independence. Many of the meltdowns that toddlers (and subsequently parents of toddlers) experience could have been avoided if parents embraced this need and gave their toddler some control over their lives and environment.

What does that mean?

It is a simple as giving some of the power in your toddler’s life to your toddler. It’s all about choices. If every decision in your life was made for you from what colour shirt you wear, to what you eat, to where you go was made for you, you’d probably have a meltdown too.

By offering your toddler simple choices such as “Which shirt do you want to wear today, the blue shirt or the red shirt?” or “Would you like Cheerios or Shreddies for breakfast?” you are giving him/her some power over their own lives. By offering these simple choices to your toddler you are helping them develop as a person. You are building their self- esteem and confidence, helping them to develop decision making skills and reducing power struggles and conflict.

I always tell parents to pick their battles wisely. Does it really matter which shirt your child wears to daycare? Is this going to matter in week from now, six months, a year? If the answer is no then why stress yourself and your toddler out over it.

There are two lasting bequests we can give our children,

one is roots, and the other is wings.
Hodding Carter