Desperately Seeking Attention

Have you ever noticed that the kids are quite content to play peacefully and quietly until the moment you decide to make a phone call, log on to check your work email, or start to prepare supper etc...?

Children have a natural need for attention and the sad reality is that with the busy schedules and competing demands of work and family often the only attention they are given is negative.

Let’s be honest when children are not seen or heard they are often forgotten about. When they are in their bedroom playing contently or parked in front of the TV with video games it is easy to ignore them. Why disturb the peace? That is prime time we can use to catch up on chores, housework, office work and if we are really lucky maybe even squeeze in a little bit of me or couple time.

The problem is that if we don't notice and praise the positive our children, will learn that if they want our attention they will have to do something dramatic to get it. They learn quickly that in order to compete with everything else going on in our lives they have to be loud, silly, annoying or non-compliant. They learn quick and easy ways that are sure to get mom or dad's attention.

For a child any attention is better than no attention.

Without meaning to we have rewarded our children for misbehaving, and thus by our own actions have most likely assured that negative behaviour will be repeated. If this scenario sounds familiar you may be asking yourself how then, do we break out of the attention seeking cycle?

It's as simple as a shift in focus. As simple as making a conscious effort to focus on the positive and ignore the negative attention seeking behaviour. This method has been proven effective when parents have the commitment to follow through; with planned ignoring of minor negative behaviour; and offer notice, praise and encouragement of positive behaviours. Simple gestures such as a thumbs up, high 5 or pat on the back from a parent go far in raising a child's confidence and boosting their spirit.

It is the quality of the time we spend with our children not the quantity that counts. By spending short bits of time engaged in enjoyable activities with our children we meet their need for attention in a way that benefits both of us. Sharing an after school snack together, walking to the corner to check the mail, reading a bedtime story... precious moments like these will strengthen the bond you share and will help your child feel more valued and secure.

~Your children need your presence more than your presents. ~

Jesse Jackson